Kiyone's Shikai
by RiddikulusWaterbender
Summary: Everyone knows about Kiyone's obsession of Captain Ukitake. How will Soul Society handle her when she attains her... "special" shikai? Takes place before Kaien dies and before Rukia is in the Gotei 13.


**Hey guys! I'm back! This is my first parody fic. I don't think it's funny but it seemed funny in my head.**

**All Japanese words are in **_**italics **_**because I want them to. Release command is in English because I do not know Japanese. Sorry. At least you know what she's saying. :)**

**Warning: Crazy obsessive Kiyone.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, the characters, or anything else that seems familiar.**

Ukitake Juushirou smiled happily as he looked up from his paperwork to glance out the window in his office. It was a beautiful day. The sky was a perfect blue with white, fluffy clouds, and the temperature was just right. It made him feel healthier and calmer. It was so peaceful!

But alas, peace can never last long. He should have known better.

"UKITAKE TAICHOU! UKITAKE TAICHOU! I ATTAINED SHIKAI! ! !"

Ukitake jumped, spilling his ink all over his paperwork and knocking the rest off of the desk by accident. The papers fell right under Kiyone's feet and she started to dance wildly.

"Success!" She stomped on the paperwork, dirtying them up.

"Kiyone-? !"

"Yatta!" She spun around, crumpling the papers and tearing some with her feet.

"Kiyone..."

"It's su~goi!" She finished with a hard kick, sending the now destroyed papers flying into Ukitake's face. Ukitake buried his head in his hands. _I was almost done! Noooooo!_

Kiyone finally realized what she just did.

"*gasp*! I'm so sorry, taichou!" She started to run to Ukitake's desk to clean up the mess when a black and white blur tackled her to the ground. Ukitake removed his hands from his face when he heard the crash.

Kiyone and Sentarou were tangled up with each other in an awkward position under his bookcase. More furniture was destroyed.

"Kotsubaki, get off me! You're touching my butt!" Kiyone yelled as she smacked his hand away.

"Your butt landed on my hand!"

"Pervert monkey boy!"

"Booger face!"

Sentarou quickly untangled himself from Kiyone and rushed over to Ukitake's desk.

"Taichou! Let me clean this up! !"

"No fair, Kotsubaki! I was going to do it!" Kiyone screamed, pushing the bookcase off her. The bookcase slammed into a wall, making a large dent. Sentarou quickly snatched all the paper and rubbed it in Kiyone's face. Kiyone tried to snatch them away but ended up ripping them. They started a tug-of-war over the papers.

Ukitake sighed before standing up and exiting the room. There was a Captains meeting in thirty minutes, but he decided to go early. It was obvious why.

After a while, the tug-of-war stopped. Kiyone and Sentarou looked around the room and noticed their captain wasn't there.

"Look what you did Kotsubaki! Taichou left because of you!" Kiyone clenched her fists.

"YOU STARTED IT!" Sentarou yelled in her face.

"You tackled me to the ground! That started everything, ya darn sushi head!"

"YOU MESSED UP HIS PAPERS, YOU LITTLE BOOGER!"

"Are all of your insults booger related? You suck!"

"BOOGERS BOOGERS BOOGERS!"

"Shut UP!" Kiyone screamed as she ran out of the room.

She decided to go look for her sister so she headed to the fourth division.

"Stupid Kotsubaki. Booger this! Booger that! Next time he does that I'll release my shikai on him." She smirked at the thought. Then he won't be in her way when she's serving her captain, her master, her love-

She sighed happily. With her awesome shikai, she'll eliminate anyone who upsets Ukitake, she'll pulverize those who get in her way, and maybe she'll take over Soul Society while she's at it. With her shikai, she can do anything! She laughed quite evilly as she planned her world domination.

Then she collided into something tall. She looked up to see her sister.

"Nee-san!" Kiyone smiled at Isane and her sister beamed down at her.

"Hello, Kiyone. I was just heading inside." She nodded her head towards the Fourth Division barracks. "What brings you here?"

Kiyone rolled happily on the balls of her feet.

"I have shikai!"

"Really?"

"Yeah! It's amazing! It makes me feel _invincible_!"

"I see," Isane said. "Well, don't get a swelled head about it. What do you plan to do next?"

"Take over So- I mean, show the Captains!" Kiyone laughed nervously. Her first plan of taking over the Soul Society will take place in the Captains' meeting.

Isane frowned.

"You probably shouldn't. You could get in trouble with the captains. The meetings shouldn't be interrupted just because of a new shikai." Thankfully, Isane didn't hear the first part of Kiyone's sentence. Kiyone's plan will go by unnoticed!

"I still want to!" Kiyone said as she merrily skipped away to the First Division.

"Captains," Yamamoto's voice boomed through the Captains' Assembly Hall, "Let us start the meeting. Is there any news within your division that I should know about?"

The captains all looked at each other before shrugging.

"Nope,"

"None at all."

"Perfectly normal."

For the rest of the time they talked about random things, making Hitsugaya wonder "_what is the point with this meeting?"_

Just then the doors banged open and Kiyone stood at the entrance. She was panting but she looked excited.

"What is the meaning of this, Kotetsu? ! ?" Yamamoto banged his staff on the floor while the rest of the captains stared. Kiyone was unfazed by Yamamoto's anger.

"I have achieved shikai! Don't even try to kick me out of here, 'cause I think you guys should see it! This is for you, taichou!" she added to Ukitake and he gave her a half-hearted smile.

"Wait just one minute," Yamamoto yelled, "This is no time for-!"

"_Snog my captain_," Kiyone shouted over Yamamoto. She let out a mad chuckle and continued in a lower voice: "_Ukitake-licious!_"

Her blade dissolved into dust and swirled around until it took a human shape. The shape of a certain captain Ukitake, shihakusho, haori, and all. The captains were either staring dumbly at Ukitake's twin or shooting the real Ukitake odd looks. Ukitake's face glowed red and he dreaded what was coming next.

Kiyone silently squeed in her head at how cute her captain looked like when he blushed before turning her attention back to her zanpakutou.

Hologram Ukitake calmly walked over to Kiyone and tenderly held her hand.

"Oh Kiyone," he breathed. "*****My love for you burns with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns!***** Your face is as beautiful as the perfect shining moon! You yourself are as sweet as a mountain of candy. Please be mine forever so I won't live a day without seeing your lovely face." A hint of pink spread across Kiyone's face and she let out a soft squeak.

The captains' mouths were dropped to the ground. Then an immense amount of spiritual pressure filled their senses.

"This _reiatsu_!" Soifon muttered, her eyes widening.

"******This can only belong to a captain!******" Ukitake gasped. The spiritual pressure was coming from Kiyone herself, which surprised everyone else.

"This power," Kiyone said hungrily. "I feel incredible!"

Yamamoto banged his staff on the floor again.

"Enough of this foolishness, Kotetsu! Don't needlessly waste your _reiatsu_ showing off."

"Oh, but I'm not just 'showing off'." Kiyone said with an ominously evil tone.

"What do you mean?" Yamamoto asked.

"To put it simply, I've decided to take over Soul Society." The captains either rolled their eyes, looked disbelieving, or in Ukitake's case, sadly shook his head.

"Don't talk nonsense!" Yamamoto said. "Are you planning to defeat all the captains of the _Goteijuusantai_ with a simple shikai? That may be captain-class _reiatsu_, but you now possess the strength of only one captain. Don't overestimate yourself!"

Kiyone snorted.

"You think this is it? O-ho no! I only started!" Kiyone said and Yamamoto raised an eyebrow. "The more affection I get from my captain, the more powerful I get! Observe!" She then turned to the hologram. "My darling! Ultimate power!"

"_Hai_!" hologram Ukitake said before cupping her face in his hands and giving her a small peck on her cheek.

Ukitake's facial expression looked very similar to the emoticon (O_o) as he was rendered speechless.

"Oooh, Ukitake," Kyouraku Shunsui teased. "Kissing a subordinate!"

"KYAAAAAAA! ! ! ! ! !" Kiyone squealed like a fangirl as the hologram Ukitake dissolved back into her zanpakutou. Her spiritual pressure spiked and the captains themselves actually had trouble breathing. Yamamoto himself widened his eyes as the power increased. It was getting to nearly as powerful as his own.

"What- is this- reiatsu? !"

Kiyone breathed heavily as she looked at her hands like all villains do when they get a sudden increase in power.

"This power... I am INVINCIBLE! ! ! ! !" She leaned back and laughed at the ceiling as her spiritual power increased. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA! ! ! ! ! !" Most of the captains, except Yamamoto, Unohana, Kyoraku and Ukitake, slowly dropped to the ground as her _reiatsu_ surpassed Yamamoto.

She stopped laughing abruptly and grinned maniacally at Yamamoto.

"What's this? My reiatsu now surpassed yours? Oh dear, what will happen now, I wonder?" She let out a mad chuckle as Yamamoto's eyes widened. Her reiatsu had indeed surpassed his, which surprised him greatly.

"My Soul Society domination will begin! ! ! !"

*** : Stolen from the Fairly Oddparents.**  
**** : I'm pretty sure I remember Ukitake saying that in the manga.**

**Dun dun duuunnnn! ! ! What will happen next?!**

**So, how did you like it? I might write a Kiyone world domination chapter story if I get enough reviews, so tell me what you think! :D**


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